The Azumarill Who Knew Nothing
by Carren Camera
Summary: This Azumarill is such a bad-*ss ho isn't she? It's mating season, and Azumarill has to find herself a mate. Of course, she asks her teammates out just like a bad ho would. Rated T for the ho's in the summary and a birds & bees concept that may not be appropriate for kids. One-shot.


Hey there. My name is Salianne. I'm a lonely-but smart! Azumarill. I'm currently traveling with a trainer, who I met just outside Petalburg Town when I was still a Marill.

Now, In Lilycove City, I was doing my beehive to prepare for the day. My eyes were jet black, and I was really tall(which is why I win a lot of beauty contests.) My hair, which had the same color as my shorts, was a pale tint of blue, and they were really straight. So it was easier to make a beehive out of this. As I glanced at the mirror in my trainer's Pokemon Center room, I saw a lot of x's on a piece of paper far away. I looked further.. I made it out to be a calendar. My trainer's calendar, specifically.

"Hmm. Time I checked that calendar."

I told myself. I don't know why, but I've been very moody lately. As I approached the calendar, hanging on the periwinkle wall, I saw what the day next to all of those x's was: Azumarill Mating Season!

"OMG It's mating season I have to find myself a mate!"

I screamed to my self. I heard this is like a holiday or something for us Azumarill where we start finding mates before winter, then wait for spring for something. But then I wondered,

"Wait. Like, what's a mate?"

I scrambled to the nearest bookshelf, and since a dictionary was a book, I looked there. I think I'm totally the smartest one in my team. Dylan, a Dustox, is a crackpot while Venus, a Venusaur, is a weirdo. I read the dictionary. I was lost, I scanned each page for 'mate', and eventually I found it, after 13 minutes or so. Being careful is the best way to use a dictionary, because then you won't miss anything. According to the dictionary, a mate is a

"1: associate or companion, 2: a sexua-"

I was done reading and closed the book. I found out what the meaning was. A mate is basically an associate or companion. I didn't know what an associate was, so I scanned every page again. But it was quicker than when I was searching for mate.

Then I searched for the meaning of companion. It was slower than associate, but faster than mate. It's important not to skip a page.

"I wonder who are available? Hmm.. I'll try talking to Wire!" I rushed across the hall of the Pokemon Center in the early morning.

In case you didn't know, our trainer was still sleeping in her room and we sneaked out of our PokeBalls, thanks to Venus's help. She was second in smartness to me.

Wire the Minun was there. Just looking at something blankly. Sigh, it's hard being the smartest in the team. And he's such a shortie. But I'm gonna ask him to be my mate.

"Hey Wire."

I started the conversation, because it gives you the opportunity to ask a question first.

"Oh hey Salianne."

"I need to find a mate, can you be my mate?"

"Um, excuse me? I already have a girlfriend..?" He said, giving me a disgusted look. Guys, so naive around hot babe-chicks like me. And why should I care whether or not he has a girlfriend! I want to be his mate, not his girlfriend, eww.

"C'mon!" "I'm telling you, we have no chemistry!" The yellow rodent was being a chicken. He ran off to the fire exit.

"Scaredy cat!"

I just decided, I'll try asking Venus! She's the smartest one in the team, but she dresses weird, and she's kind of a fatty. She has long, straight green hair, with a side fringe and a ponytail, she also has a pink flower headpiece. She was wearing an oversized bluish green trench coat without any pants, just green panties. She was wearing green boots too. She looked like she could be in Hoenn's Next Top Pokemon if only she wasn't so damn fat, poor girl. Didn't have what it takes to be as hot as me. Unhesitatingly I approached the seed pokemon.

"Hey Venus. I want a mate."

I was smiling, smiling can get a girl anywhere.

"A girl or a boy?"

"Anyone will do of course!"

"Did you sleep well last night Salianne?" She gave me a helpless look.

Wait what. Is a mate supposed to be a boy? I don't even know. But if we combine our minds, I KNOW, that we'll be the best mates in the world.

"Will you?"

"What? No thanks, I don't swing that way." She told me. And left. Swing what way, exactly? We're both girls. She should be comfortable with that. Oh well.

I started to look for Nicoal, or just Coal. Our fearsome femme fighter Blaziken. She's so level headed and cool. But did I mention, totally boring? Yeah. That's why she's only used for battles. That chick can't appeal for shit. She's the strongest, but creativity level zero. But I shouldn't talk about her like this, we're like best friends! I hit the guys who try to make a move on her and she hits the guys who make a move at me. To be fair, she's hot too, actually. But she should lose all those muscles. They ruin everything. Ew.

I made my move. "Hey Coal honey!"

"Oh my gosh, hey sweetie!"

We ran towards each other and hugged. She smelled roasted. Like roasted barbecue. I smelled like baby powder. Which smells better.

"Coal I have something I need to ask you.."

"Ask away girl!"

"I wanna be your mate."

"What?.. Ew." Huh? Why is she 'ew-ing' at me? And why does nobody want to be my mate?

"Why not?"

"Because.. I don't know how to.. How to um... How to"

"Say it?"

"Yeah, um well girl, being a mate to another girl, that's just not my cup of tea, you know.. why don't you ask someone else?" She then brisk-walked away. I just realized, since I've asked two girls and a guy who apparently has a girlfriend, I should ask someone different...

...

...

I'll ask Dylan to be my mate. He's so blank and dumb, I can manipulate him easily. I looked for Dylan. He always sleeps at day and does things at night, which is probably why he acts like a crackpot. Guys these days, waking up all night. The irresponsibility of it all. He's probably staring at the moon again. Or doing some illegal things like that time he made the tissues run out. I still wonder what he did with those tissues.

I looked for him by searching for nearby windows. it was my master plan. He's a Dustox, they like squishing hugging the window all the time, its like they're using Light Screen on the moon. Ha! Dumbasses.

I saw him, and I walked in x's toward him. My red shirt was dry and crumpled. It had a midriff, so I felt more confident because girls are supposed to be skinny. It showed off my flat belly. I had blue short-shorts, the same color as my hair. Take note it's not teal or sky blue or cyan or aquamarine, it's blue. Like a Wartortle's skin.

I hate when I ask for something blue and they give me something cyan.

"Hi Dylan."

"Good morning Salianne. What brings you here?" He was wearing a white basketball jersey which was purple in the chest area. We were of the same height, and he had a flat belly too! Except they were like rugged. Mine was flawlessly flat and hollow. His looked like it had 6 rocks inside. These so called "abs" maybe? Meh, he's just probably full. His hair was straight, light-purple blond, and side-swept. He was wearing maroon shorts. The ones that look like torn off cargo pants. He didn't seem to wear any underwear.. His body was a perfect upside down triangle look, and he had fair skin that wasn't too pale. I have to admit, he and I are the best looking members on our team.

"I want you to be my mate."

"..Why would you want to be my mate?"

"Because it's mating season!" Didn't he look at the calendar, staying up all night?

"I can't be your mate, haha." He was pretty mum about it. He should be like, totally honored that I'm even asking him for this!

"Why not?" I pouted, I was kind of mad at him.

"Because I'm not ready for se- Wait." He gave me a mischievous look.

"Do you even know what a mate is?" He asked me.

...

"No not really." I knew what it meant, I just wanted to test him. But he was acting as if he knew about something I didn't..

"Read the dictionary."

"But Dylan, I did!"

"It says here "companion or sex partner". He said the last two words with so much emphasis. But then I realized, I didn't know what sex is.

"Oh. What is sex?" I asked. I was genuinely curious.

"Hmm... Um, that's another term for gender, or the act of copu-" I cut him off, I knew what I had to know.

"Great! Dylan, I'm gonna ask you to be my sex partner!"


End file.
